School days: observations

Disclaimer: Even though I sound quite snarky in this post, I do really love the kids I am working with. ;)

Some observations since I've been helping in a second grade class for 2 1/2 weeks:

1. Anything you eat, drink, wear (especially shoes), do differently to your hair, jewelry you wear (or don't) WILL be noticed aloud by at least half the class...usually the girls.

Anecdote: One day last week I wore my long, 3 tiered jean skirt to school with a tshirt and sadals. A little girl looked up at me from group time and said with a loud voice, "You look like a cowgirl!" Eeeehn ....not so much the look I was going for, but okaaay. The teacher snickered, "Just wait til you lose or gain a few pounds. They don't miss a thing!" Oiy.

2. Your name, age, voice, whistle blowing ability and fragrance will be scrutinized, pondered and pronounced judgement upon during recess.

Anecdote: V, a little girl of 7, but who has the demeanor and attitude of a 13 year old, was looking me up and down. I asked her if she needed something.

"No....where did you get those shoes?"
"They were my daughter's"
"You have a daughter? How old is she?"
"Seventeen"
"Where did she buy those shoes? Probably Mervin's, huh?"
"No, I think she got them at Walmart."
"Oh."

Later on in the recess, same girl:

"How old are you?"
"Not going to tell you."
"Are you 30"
"No, older"
"Are you 40?"
"Okay, we're lining up now, let's go."
"Are you 41?......42?......43?...44?....45?" She is now following me counting....
My brain is going, "lalalalaaaaaa, can't hear you, ignoring you.....lalalal...you are going away now...bye bye little twerpy."

3. A room full of noisy, out of control children on a Friday is much MUCH easier to take than a room full of quietly working children with one hummer. I have tried and tried to sneak up and find the hummer, but no success. When I do though...oh, yeah....I'll be on them like a jean skirt on a cowgirl. YEE haw"

4. There will be themes to your day as a teacher's aid.

~One day it was "You don't know what you are doing and you do everything wrong, so just try to blend into the wall." That was my first couple of days.
~Another day it was "Hunt down and bring back wayward children who have a bathroom pass, but who are really playing in the drinking fountain for 15 minutes....." Yes, that was as fun as it sounds. But you will not make me hunt you down, waaaaaaaay down in the bathroom at the end of the building on a day that is over 110F without paying consequences which are satisfying to ME."
~Finally, I had a day last week that was a theme I dread: Throwing up. The teacher read part of a story, ending with the little boy in the story sitting in the cafeteria, staring at his sandwich..... They were supposed to write what they think will happen next. Over half of them wrote, "He threw up." or "He got sick." Later in the morning I had to rush 2 seperate children to the nurse before they hurled on me. (I made it too.....woe to the day that I don't make it.)

5. It is almost impossible to get a group of over 40 children to stand in line quietly. Once you calm down one end, the other one begins. This happens every day when I have to take 2 classes of children from the cafeteria to the playground. A school rule is that the children have to walk QUIETLY when they are in line and on the sidewalk. *maniacal laughter* I just don't think will happen....

6. Children who are behaving very badly...VERY....will look at you with very cute cheribic faces and large brown eyes and cause you to not anhililate them on the spot. That is a good thing I guess. They are cute, that's for sure....grrrr.

7. Your classrooms will just never smell good after lunch and recess. bleh

8. Never eat or apply to yourself anything that has been given to you in a grubby little hand. And keep a large bottle of Germ X on your desk at all times.

9. Never open a second grader's milk carton for them without asking first. It is MOST offensive, in that they are very big now and can do it themselves.

10. On corndog day, mind the ketchup...it is EVERYWHERE.