I did it.
I got through. There was a real person to talk to and everything!
I got up at 7am, when the phone lines open, hit redial for approximately 10 minutes before getting on the waiting-for-a-real-person hold line. I dug my heels in and waited an hour, drinking my coffee, playing solitaire and praying someone would answer, and then that someone would NOT answer while I was in the restroom, and then praying for someone to answer again so that I could get on with my life! And they did. And I'm in again.
Sorry, I'm just a little relieved though.
I will never be bad again! (at least not to the government)