The best medicine

My sister sent me these....so smile...chuckle, chortle and snort...


~*~Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.~*~


THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. *tsk tsk*
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. Wheeeeee!
3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. *chortle*
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Having kids wrecks it.
6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. Pessimistic, aren’t we?
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. You too?
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. I never held a beer, so I dunno.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. Not arguing.
10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. Eh…hehehehee
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Does this come on a t-shirt?
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. Cozy.
13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. *Snort!*
15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Yes.
17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! Shut up.
18. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up. =(
19. Procrastinate Now!
20. I Have a degree in Liberal Arts; do you want fries with that?
21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. Heh…
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken. OK, who put this one in the list!
25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28. The trouble with life is there's no background music. Wouldn’t it be nice though?
29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. Scary…
30. I smile because I have no idea what’s going on. =)