September 27, 2005

When words are hard to come by.....


Sometimes words don?t come easily. I have never been one to know what to say to someone who has gone through a loss or is going through a time of great darkness. (I don?t think anyone is good at knowing what to say, by the way) This last week, I've talked to two women who went through recent miscarriages. Since I have been in their shoes in that experience, I know that what people say, trying to be of comfort, can just make it hurt even more. So I hugged them, told them how sorry I was, told them I knew, I've been there, only time makes the sorrow lessen.

The recent conversations brought back memories from that dark time. I had lost 2 babies in 2 years, both were during the fifth month of pregnancy. I was showing, wearing maternity blouses, over the sickness of the first trimester, enjoying having another baby, thinking of names...then total tragedy, burial arrangements.... emptiness like I had never known. It was a time when I couldn't pray, words wouldn't come. When I tried to pray, I only cried, all I could say was help, help....please help me. I think it has been the weakest, lowest point of my life so far. During that time, I found some songs, some prayers in the Bible, and prayer poems in some literature a dear friend gave me for mothers who had gone through miscarriage. They were not my words, but they were just what I needed to express from my troubled mind and heart. These materials gave me the words I needed to express those emotions. It was so cathartic....so soothing to have some words to say, to sing even though I knew God could see what I was feeling, what I was needing, what I couldn't express....I know the Spirit intercedes for us in those times.

I have been toying with the idea of creating a prayer page for a few weeks now. The conversations with these friends this week and memories stirred inside me gave me the inspiration to really get it going. I will be adding to it as time goes by. And if you have any prayers that have helped you, please send them to me. I hope it ministers to you as I know it ministers to me to have words to express things I, myself, have no words for...

I started out with the prayer that Jesus prayed for His disciples and future followers the night He had the last Passover with the disciples. I love idea of Jesus praying for us, teaching us how to pray for each other...loving us so much that He preserved His words for us....

Prayer page

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