Blog skins

Blogger must have changed something, because my template didn't match up with my columns anymore. I never did like having 3 columns anyway.

Now I'm making excuses!

I feel strange without my pink flower template. So this may all change up a few times before I find one that I think suits me. Any suggestions??

When healing is a long process

Cute little saying, but isn't it the truth! The world is crazy scary these days and it's hard to keep from dwelling on fearful things. I saw this on the internet this morning and laughed. But as God often does, He showed me later on in the day how He is a God of bringing all things together to teach us things and catch our attention.

Today I listened to a podcast of GirlfriendIt radio and it was this very principle (not feeding your fears but putting on a brave face) that led Sandy Tremp into a  total mental breakdown. She had emotionally and mentally distanced herself from some horrible childhood traumas. She locked it away, not knowing how to process it as a child. Then one day the repressed memories came flooding back. She collapsed and had to be hospitalized, incapacitated by fear and shame.  Through years of counseling and support, she says that she not only survived childhood abuse, but has finally learned to  thrive in God's healing and victory. She and her husband Scott wrote a book about actively pushing through Sandy's healing process instead of repressing it. It's called Surviving Life.

I encourage you to listen to this GirlfriendIt session and then ......maybe listen to it again to catch what you missed. If you have discovered repressed trauma or have trauma that haunts you every day; if you have friends or loved ones who are going through this or want to know how to respond in case anyone ever confides this kind of thing to you, I really hope you'll listen and gain more understanding about how to be sensitive to people with this issue.

As a minister's wife, I see a glimpse of the damage childhood abuse does to a person's life and I think it's something that really needs more attention, response and action from the church.

I have a young friend who asked if she could talk to me one day about 4 years ago. She was exhibiting some outward signs of inward troubles. Cutting herself was becoming a habit that she could no longer control and she was afraid. After many meetings to talk about the cutting, and encouraging her to tell her parents, she told me one day that she needed to tell me something. We sat down and talked about a few things and then she began to cry. I told her to take her time. I had no idea what the words were that she needed to release from her mind. Then she took a piece of paper and wrote on it, then she handed it to me and turned away weeping. "I was raped," the paper read.

She had carried this secret in her head for 7 years, from the time she was 10 years old. It was her shame and her curse. I was the first person she ever told. After we cried and hugged, I asked her how she felt. She said she was glad she told me, glad it was out there.....glad to have someone to share the burden and help her. There is freedom in confession, even though it wasn't her sin (not at all!), it was her burden. But that isn't the end.

A friend's sympathetic listening ear is a great gift to someone who is processing a trauma, but they usually need to find professional help as well. Often times after they confess the event out loud, they go through even more turmoil and outward self-defeating behaviors as their mind tries to understand and process it. That is what happened to my friend, and in late January we said goodbye to her for a year as she goes to an in house treatment and counseling center. She was excited to go though. She was ready to push through and begin really healing and getting the help she needs. I am so proud of her.

Allen McCray also gave some great tips on developing a healthy and positive self identity while you face the traumas in your own life. One of those is to be more "self compassionate".  Extend to yourself the compassion that you would to a friend who also had past issues to deal with. That way we are not sliding into self condemnation as we process our past, but letting God work powerfully in our lives to give overcoming victory and healing. Wouldn't that be something.....if we could help each other, give each other the permission to not have it all together, and go from trying to put  a brave face on top of our mess, into truly abundant life and freedom in Christ?

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3: 12-14

It's 4:44 and I'm Jonesing the Mojo

I have so many much more serious and pressing things to say, but this is what came out of my head.....

I'm having theme days again. Seemingly random things that all have a connection keep happening and make me wonder. Am I supposed to be getting something from this, because.....I don't get it.

For several days in a row, I would glance at the clock and the time would be in sync. For example, the time would be 11:11 or 2:22. It was weird. Almost scary. I felt like Twilight Zone music would play at any moment. A few weeks ago it was herds of white cars. While driving I would gradually notice that although every other car color was mixed into the crowds of cars, the white cars would bunch up like a herd. And people kept saying the term Jonesing. I stopped in the middle of Bible study tonight to clarify what that word meant. The answer was....could be keeping up with the Joneses or it could be used to mean a craving. Who knew? (not me)

Today as I drove to the church office down 7th Street, I saw an old Volkswagon E wagon (I had to look up what it was called because teeny tiny station wagon didn't seem correct). I see it every time I drive that route in the mornings. I hear the telling VW motor beside me and I turn and smile. I love VWs. We used to drive a Vanagon. So today when an old VW Beetle with a cool vintage luggage rack on top pulled up on the other side of me it made me laugh. (I could make the dueling motor sounds for you, but then I'd have to clean my screen) Random connections. Cue Twilight Zone music.......

The guy in the wagon pulled up next to the guy in the Beetle at the next light, and I could see them talking to each other through their open windows. They each had their elbow resting on the open window and had easy-going smiles and there was some hippy-type head nodding happening as if they were saying things like, "Dude, cool car".  It's just how VW owners are.....and it made me remember when we had ours.

We lived in New Jersey and drove the Vanagon all over town. Every day, I would see other VW cars pull up beside me, hang their head or arm out the window, or wave a peace sign at me to acknowledge the vehicular love. I miss being in that club.....though I do love my automatic transmission too much to go back.

People who drive Honda Accords just don't have the same mojo. Dude.

High Places

I will just post some pictures for my summary of the 12 Days of Emma. The last few days were filled up with Emma seeing her friends and trying to get in last minute visits and fun.

Thank you to Sara for taking these pictures, they are great!

Hiking...this mountain park is right in our new neighborhood and the weather was beautiful! 

The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights. Hab 3:19

I think the best part of the 12 Days was to see how being put into a totally foreign and difficult situation made her cling to her faith more strongly and showed us her foundation is strong in Christ. I think she could do almost anything now, as long as God calls her to it, and the worries I had about her choice of career (police work) are more settled.




I rarely got to see my car during the 12 Days. ;) But that's okay.


She got to wear her favorite shirt. When you ask her.....What zombie? (scroll down)


She does this and then laughs at your shocked expression.


It couldn't have been a better visit! And now we are getting ready to go to Missouri to see her graduate from training in a couple of weeks. Then she comes HOME!

Several Drummers Leaping/Piping/Dancing?

When people sing The Twelve Days of Christmas, it gets old fast. People usually can't remember if the drummers drumming or Lords a-leaping or ladies milking are day 6, 7 or 8. By the time you get past FIVE GOLDEN RINGS people get silly and don't take it seriously anymore.  Consider that my excuse for the past few days. :)

Hard to believe that this is the 9th day of Emma. The past few days have gone by in a blur. I will try to recap just a little bit of it.

1. There was a lot of hiking. We just moved into a new neighborhood in Phoenix by the Phoenix Mountain Preserve, so we are getting out walking or hiking. About 3 minutes in the car and we are at trailheads that head off into the desert landscape and either up or through desert mountains. I prefer through, but Charles, Emma and Maggie have been up several of them this week too.

2.There have been a lot of friends coming, going and staying. We have this tradition....or lack of planning?....that Emma's friends just come, spending day and/or night and I just need to know how many to cook dinner for. It's been this way since Tuesday. We love it. A lot of them are the regulars who have been doing this for 5 years at our house and some are newer. It's amazing to see a group of friends from freshman in high school through sophomore in college ages. They change a LOT and I'm really pleased to see how they've grown and are getting independent and grown up!

3. Wii Just Dance. Just about all of the above mentioned friends have been coerced into playing Just Dance on the Wii game station. Last night there was a big group here and they were really squealing and shouting and laughing so loud that I had to come out and watch for a while too.

4. Netflix. We signed up for a free month and all the people who are hanging out here are watching or at least talking about old shows they used to love when they were little. It is funny to see the different personalities they have but all of them have some cultural iconishness in common from watching the same goofy television shows or movies.  They would mention an old show they remembered and there were several minutes of saying quotes from it or singing the theme songs. So I mentioned Andy Griffith as we scrolled past it on the menu. They all just kind of look at me. Weird people.

5. Eating. I purposely put out all my leftover wonderful Christmas baked goods that have made their way into my house and they have amazingly disappeared! Maisy, our dog, was heavily influenced by this grazing of anything within reach. In fact, we would call her opportunistic ways greedy and gluttonous. She ate a large sized chocolate bar that was in a Christmas stocking.....along with most of the foil wrapper. We worried about her for one day but she doesn't seem to be in distress from it.  She's just a little heavier to pick up.

6. Playing. There has been a little golfing, Settlers of Catan has been almost permanently on my dining room table, today there was  a little remote control helicopter flying around the house (very cool!), and the sounds of Plants vs. Zombies. (yuck) Of course, the best sound of all the games is the laughter and enjoyment from being together again.

7. My favorite thing of the week was tonight though. Maggie was gone to a youth lock in, Hannah was at work and Beth across town on a date, and it was just Charles and I in the living room. Emma and  Sara (the last extra left for the evening) were getting ready to go to the lock in for the worship service.  Then we heard Emma pick up her guitar and start strumming and singing. She sang Slow Fade, Big House, and How He Loves Us. She and Sara sang loud with harmony and passion.

It made my throat get a big lump in it and tears ready to squirt out with gratefulness at how they have taken their faith as their own and are serving God as young adults. The world is loudly beckoning at them to join in the ruckus and they are keeping their focus. After sending our Emma out into the world to be on her own for college last year or to be owned by the army this year, it was so refreshing to see how her faith and passion is becoming stronger than ever.

Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:30-31 (NLT)

Day 5 almost finishes us was fun!

Emma and Hannah

Christmas Day started out busy busy and ended just perfectly, with everyone quietly in their own nook of the house, enjoying new little gadgets or books.

Charles was up cooking bacon early, which rouses everyone from sleep even though there were no gifts to open. The frozen waffles were in the oven by 8am and were eating Christmas breakfast by 8:20. My waffle maker gave up on us after last Christmas but the frozen Belgian waffles were actually better than my old maker could ever make them. Bacon, waffles with berries, real maple syrup and lots of pffft (canned whipped cream) and you have a Christmas feast that was gobbled up quickly so everyone could primp for church.

Christmas on a Sunday always throws us off, but we were glad to be in the house of the Lord this morning and it was a really nice service. Charles, Emma and I took two people home afterwards and didn't get back until almost 1pm. But they are dear people and their joy at being with us and Emma on Christmas for a while made it worth the time.

By the time we got there, some of my sisters had already arrived and were setting out appetizers and cooking and generally taking over. I was glad of it too, after a busy morning. I had planned on using my grandmother's old china, then we settled on paper plates instead, to save on work for everyone. But having used all my nice Christmassy paper plates for various little parties, we had to use leftover plates from different patterned paper products....some red, some blue and some orange.

And NO ONE cared! They got covered with food anyway. :)


My niece Bobbie, and sisters Jodi, me, Becky, and Julie watching croquet.

After lounging around a bit after eating dinner, we got out one of the girls' gifts....Just Dance 2 for the Wii. Two at a time all of my sisters, then all of my daughters and nieces, got up and danced to the characters on the Wii screen. SO FUN! We laughed and laughed. There was croquet, sitting out in the sun watching croquet, monopoly, cards, naps were taken loudly...zzzzzzz.... and football was watched when the men could usurp the television after all that loud napping. They all watched Cars 2 also. Hannah's boyfriend Sam was here with us all day, as his family is in Oregon and he and my 5 year old nephew had a lot of fun playing together.

Best quote of the day....
Gabriel: Sam, you're on MY team (light saber in hand)
Sam: Okay, who's on the other team?
Gabriel: The grown ups!

Around 8pm people were gathering up their things and saying their goodnights. It was a wonderful, relaxing, fun day with family. I came back into the house, our dog Maisy was trying to gulp something down and I noticed brown crumbs all over the dining room. Someone has stolen the last of the brownies, taking full advantage of the good-bying....naughty, not nice.

As people were settling into their own spaces, Emma left went out the door with her boyfriend Tim and his family to see the new Mission Impossible movie. I can't even imagine the kind of energy you have when you are college aged anymore.

Before going to bed though, I wanted to try out the new facial peel mask Hannah gave me. It's blackberry something from Bath and Body Works and smells lovely, but it is as black as black shoe polish! Very scary to put it on your face. And I guess it was pretty funny to others because when I came out to get a glass of water, people were falling down laughing. I looked like an ole time minstrel singer, which was apparently hilarious...... It did peel off nicely and felt good afterward, so that was a relief. It was so nice to get into bed, all clean and it was so warm....

....by the time Emma got home from the movie, there was no one awake, not even a mouse....or naughty dog.

The 4th Day of Emma

I wish I had taken some pictures, but I was too busy enjoying myself to think of it!

Christmas Eve found us bustling around getting the house ready for Christmas. Charles took us all to Olive Garden for a late lunch, then a third of our group went to music rehearsal for the evening service. I love Christmas Eve candlelight church service. It feels warm and people are all aglow, hugging and handing each other cards or little gifts.

We worshiped God in song and spirit. We got hot wax treatments on our hands. ;) Part of the fun of a candlelight service is the delicate balance of keeping the dripping wax on your little flat paper candle skirt. The candle won...

On the way home we stopped by a house in our old neighborhood. Every December they put up an elaborate light display and the man of the house, who is a very talented engineer of some kind, sets the lights to music and they are really the best I've ever seen! He puts together a half hour production with various types of Christmas music, from Mannheim Steamroller to Veggie Tales I Can't Believe It's Christmas and Bing Crosby. So fun!

Another tradition is to watch The Polar Express on Christmas Eve just before bed. We turn up the surround sound so it feels like the train is coming through our family room. When it was over I mentioned quietly how creepy that movie is and my daughters were all saying, "YES, it is! I wondered if I was the only one who was creeped out by it!" haha So after the creepy Christmas movie.....

For the first time....

EVER....

...we opened gifts on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas morning! Very nontraditional and strange, but of course it was fun and this year it was necessary because the Preacher had to be at church at 9:30am. And we had to have waffles, so to save us from frantic chaos on Christmas morning, we opened gifts.

When your children start becoming young adults, the presents are not as exciting or fun to open, but we did have one exciting gift. When we were all done and about to clean up the debri the Christmas tree started to play music box type music. We all just stared at it for a few seconds and then we sent Maggie to find the music box.

And it wasn't a music box. It was a cell phone. Maggie's first cell phone.

And there has been rejoicing and texting ever since.

Three days of fun.....

Christmas shopping is done and the house is clean. Let Christmas weekend begin!

I know Christmas rushes by and the stress of having everything done and bought and baked is high this year...for me at least. But take a few minutes when you are walking through your decorated house or see a Christmas window display and take some time to enjoy it. Really see things and appreciate what you've go this Christmas.

Since I am taking pictures every day while Emma is here for the holidays, I am capturing some moments I've been enjoying. It's been good to not only live through these days, but also to enjoy them and capture them in my mind and heart.

And if these pictures aren't enough, I wish I had taken one just now as I went to turn off lights. I found Emma, all by herself, watching Winnie the Pooh in the family room. ;) That's my soldier.

Maggie and her Pooh Bear cookie.

Maggie, Emma, Tim

Bethany, Sam

Sam and Hannah

Minions, Charlie Brown cast, Sully from Monsters Inc, hula girl and streaker.

On the second day of Emma...

Last night was sister night. For the past 3 years my daughters have been going to see The Nutcracker ballet the week before Christmas together. They get all dressed up and for over an hour makeup, hairspray and shoes fly around while they get ready.

Then we take pictures just before they dash away.



Hannah, Emma, Maggie and Beth






With Samuel.



With Sam and Jessica.

These are the only Christmas gifts I'm needing these days....warm, happy hearts and lots of love and fun. We are blessed to have each other!

Twelve Days: Homecoming

After a 3 hour delay our dear girl came down the airport corridor and into our arms yesterday. She's been at basic and MP training in Missouri since September 6 and it was a long fall! Only one call per week on Sundays (if they got their privileges that week), sparse but wonderful letters and a Facebook fan page were the only form of information and communication with her for the past 4 months. And now she is on holiday leave for 12 days! With us!

We are calling it The Twelve Days of Emma. Bring it!

Day one was celebrated caroling with our church and reunions with friends of Emma who came caroling. Then we came home and finished decorating our Christmas tree. We put it up in early December, but it's only had lights and ribbon on it until last night. We had a little Christmas decorating party with Christmas punch, Fritos and Bean Dip® and little round wedding cake cookies.